Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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