me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
