He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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