So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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