Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
