Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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