We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
