so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
