someone threw a dead crab at me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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