I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize