I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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