What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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