I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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