Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
