Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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