Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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