if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize