this beer tastes like vomit already
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
