Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
