OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
