Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
