After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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