I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
