Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
