you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
