How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize