I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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