Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
