how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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