The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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