I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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