My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have post one night stand depression
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
