So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
