My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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