This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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