I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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