Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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