I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize