Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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