do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As shirtless as possible
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
