Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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