I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
