in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
