Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This house was built for laser tag.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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