whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
