there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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