There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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