Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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