i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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