Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
