Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
