i just had sex bonerless
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
