If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
