I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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