she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
