Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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