Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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