I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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