My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
