But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
