i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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