So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
