Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
