So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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