I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
