she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
