I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
