I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
