Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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