Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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